hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
