do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
