You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
