I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
