I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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