Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
