Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
