She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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