Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
