I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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