When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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