u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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