weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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