I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
