we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
