I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize