I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
