dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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