So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A bitchslap is in order.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
