Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
