i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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