I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
