Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
