Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize