Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
