I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
