she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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