I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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