Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
