Got a toothbrush?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
