I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
