i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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