What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
