U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
