why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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