Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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