Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
