He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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