chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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