so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
