I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
