I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
