We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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