Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm too high and old for this...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
