Don't make out with my wife yet
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
