Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
