Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
