i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
