Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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