i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
