My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
