I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
