what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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