never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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