he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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