Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
