Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
