when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
