that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
