just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
