Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry mofuckaimHUNGYY hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(408): View more from California

Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand

Fav 31 5148 921
share tweet
(301): View more from Maryland

Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.

Fav 5 904 3609
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(573): View more from Missouri

My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

Fav 7 7425 1266
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.

Fav 9 5475 1266
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.

Fav 13 5574 1275
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

Walk of Shame today included voting.

Fav 26 6477 1239
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(619): View more from California

You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...

Fav 13 3935 2168
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

Does he think you're psycho?

(405): View more from Oklahoma

Officially...... yes.

Fav 8 1810 757
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(313): View more from Michigan

It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.

Fav 2 105 148
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT