I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
