I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
