Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You have to summon your inner elephant
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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