I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
50% drunk capacity currently
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
