I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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