The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
