That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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