K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Come on in and take your pants off
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