i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize