what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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