did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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