Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize