We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
