I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
