you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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