Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize