i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
